Wednesday, October 26, 2011

T-minus 6 days

...til Nano.

Bring. The. Rain.

That sounds uncharacteristically cocky of me, doesn't it? But, I've got this (mostly... I think).

So it's been a while since I blogged. But then again, it's always been awhile since I blogged, with the exception of right after I blog. But I assure you, these past couple months have been very full. Full of work, full of family stuff, full of whining and crying and self doubting and more crying and towel throwing and towel picking up and pouting and possibly, maybe even a little, foot stomping.

Wanna come over? I have cookies.

Kidding aside, it's been a tough time for me, especially where writing is concerned. I've had a lot of moments where I wondered if I was cut out to do this, or if I even wanted to anymore. Many emails were sent, several phone calls were placed, all full of flaily angst. I had my mouse hovering over the send button of an email titled 'You guys, I think I'm out' for more than a few days.

I took a break from the internet (this was actually not a bad thing) and when I did that, I was actually able to clear my head and remember some things.

A) I can't not write. It's part of who I am.
B) Feedback stops me dead in my tracks. (aka stop showing 500 words to everyone including the milkman because you are just going to get overwhelmed by other people's opinions).
C) No one else can write my story, so if I want to see it written, I'm going to have to (wo)man up.
D) It takes 21 days to make, or break, a habit.

That last one is important. I haven't written much of anything in almost a year. I write this blog. I sometimes blog with my White Blank Page girls. I write emails. But actually writing? It's been a damn long while. So when I start, it feels stilted and awkward and unfamiliar.


Coincidentally, November is more than 21 days long. So instead of focusing on the 50K to 'win' Nano, I'm focusing on making daily writing a habit again. I'm focusing on not editing as I go, and since no one is going to see it until I feel ready to hear someone else's thoughts, I think this will be easier. And I'm focusing on one other, little thing.

Having fun.

Is writing difficult? Yes. Are there moments where you want to pull your hair out? Yes. But should there also be moments when you get something down EXACTLY the way you want it and you get up and dance around the kitchen, pantsless (of course), while blasting Walking on Sunshine? YES.

So, if you need me for the next month, I'll be hard to find. No Twitter. No (gulp) Tumblr. No Goodreads. No READING (bwahahahaha. we'll see). Limited Email. Limited Internet.

But I'll be here. Writing. Making a habit. Having fun. Bringing the rain.